


I hate you, but goddamn do i love you

by rinjob



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, im not sure what this is, oikage, oikawa meltdown
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-28
Updated: 2014-10-28
Packaged: 2018-02-23 01:31:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2529062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rinjob/pseuds/rinjob
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oikawa tooru has only ever wanted one thing in life, and that is to be loved.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I hate you, but goddamn do i love you

**Author's Note:**

> i found this lying around so i thought why not?? not really sure about this also ooc

“Honestly, what’s the big deal?”

Listening to Iwaizumi go on and on about some chick in his history class wasn’t really my thing. Yeah, I love Iwaizumi to death, but damn if I hear him say how kissable her lips are, i’m going to take that damn latte he’s holding and shove it down his throat. Of course, I’d never voice these opinions out loud. Nope, I always keep my same smile on my face, everywhere I go. Nobody can really tell it’s fake, everyone just believes i’m always that damn happy. But, there’s always that ‘prince charming’ figure who comes along and screws everything up. The one who can somehow miraculously see through your mask. And you have no idea how, but they worm their way into your high walls you’ve spent years carefully building, and crash them down as if they were nothing. And it drives you so damn crazy. 

And this ‘prince charming’ figure in the bulldozer, is none other than Kageyama Tobio.

I hate him, I hate him, I hate him, but goddamn do I love him.

And no matter how much i try to hate him, to push him away, to at least put back one brick of my wall that he’s so recklessly tore down, he remains like a lost puppy, like a stupid brat, like someone that cares. He shouldn’t care, why does he? I rack my brain, every single day when he walks out our front door with that stupid fucking smile on his face and waves his right hand with a cheery, “Seeya, Oikawa,” and I can’t find an answer.

Why, Why, Why. And before I know it, Iwaizumi is grabbing my hand snapping me out of whatever the hell my brain was doing.

He’s giving me a bizarre, worried look, and i’m not sure why. He’s holding my hand so tightly I feel like it’s going to snap off.

I tilt my head, “What?”

He blinks twice, I guess maybe he was zoned out too, “You..You were hitting yourself.”

I blinked thrice, was I? I must have done it subconsciously. But, that means.. he saw. He can’t know, he can’t know what’s behind the mask. He can’t.

I let out a boisterous laugh, jerking my hand away from his vice, “Haha! What are you talking about? I think you need to get home and get some rest, history can be tiring.”

I grab his shoulders, pushing him back towards the dorms.

He shakes his head vigorously, but I continue pushing, please Iwaizumi for the sake of my sanity just go to your dorm. Leave me be, please.

Please. Please.

I think he eventually gets the hint as he awkwardly tells me bye and scurries off. 

I slump down against the wall, thank god.

I’ve got to focus on getting myself together, put your mask back on, c’mon. 

Breathe in and out, in and out.

“Oikawa?”

I sighed, “I thought you were going to rest, Iwaizumi?”

I felt a body slide down beside mine, it wasn’t Iwaizumi, the proximity was making my stomach twist, and there’s only one person who has that effect on me.

I turn my head, blue beady eyes staring into me, analyzing me.

“Kageyama.”

“What’s up? I ran into Iwaizumi and he said you weren’t acting yourself.”

Curse that Iwaizumi, I will get him back for not keeping his big mouth shut.

I put on my smile, “Nothing’s wrong, Tobio-chan!”

Maybe dropping the chan, will prove that i’m my normal self, although I can feel myself falling apart at the seams.

His look was skeptical, he must not believe me. Of course he doesn’t. This is Kageyama we’re talking about here, the one who forcefully broke down my well built walls.

I felt his warm hand on my shoulder, “I know you don’t really like me, but..i’m here for you, Oikawa.”

The laugh in my head was loud, it echoed off my conscience and gave me a headache. Like you? I fucking love you, Kageyama. I love you, I love you, I love you so much it hurts. And you have no idea, because I hide it so well. But, if you’re able to see past my walls, why can’t you see through the obvious crack? I love you, I always have.

I swallowed down the lump in my throat, “I’m _fine_ , Kageyama.”

I could feel his eyes beading into the side of my head, I could feel his calm pulse, I could feel the steady rise and fall of his chest, I could feel it, I could feel everything.

He opened his mouth,

Please don’t say it.

He focused his blue eyes on mine,

Don’t say it.

“No-”

Please.

“You’re-”

_Please._

“Not.”

_P l e a s e._

I wasn’t fast enough to stop the tear rolling down my cheek. I wasn’t fast enough to stop the second tear, and the third, and the fourth, and the-

The fifth tear was on the tip of Kageyama’s finger.

He used his thumb to wipe away the rest of the tears, smiling at me with that goddamn angelic smile of his.

“It’s okay, Tooru.”

 _Tooru_. It came off his tongue so sickeningly sweet, and I threw myself into his arms.

His calloused hands held me tight as I soaked his volleyball jersey.

My mask finally cracked to the point where it couldn’t be repaired. And of course with my luck, Kageyama Tobio, was the one to see it. Although, if i’m to be honest, i wouldn’t it rather be anyone else.

And as I laid in his arms, with his hands rubbing circles in my back, and his soft lips whispering words into my hair, I realized, it’s okay to let your mask break sometimes. Sometimes, it’s exactly what you need, once a mask gets old enough, you have to replace it. Mine was old and cracked and just no good. And Kageyama finally gave it that final crack it needed to fall apart. So now, i’ll just get a new mask, but this time Kageyama won’t have to break it off piece by piece, he’ll have the privilege of just being able to untie it.

I’m going to stop pushing him away, I’m going to let him into my life.

He’s still a stupid little brat who made me into a crybaby, made me lose my composure. 

But, still, I loved him.

I mumbled a broken sob of, “I love you,” into his shoulder.

“Hmm?” Kageyama hummed.

I lifted my head, I probably looked horrible, eyes puffy and red.

“I said, I love you.”

Kageyama smiled that warm smile, his eyes glowing, “I know. I just wanted to hear you say it again.”

My laugh came out as more of a hiccupy sob.

I shook my head, Kageyama Tobio, I hate you.

I really do.

_But, goddamn do I love you._


End file.
